Saturday, October 24, 2009

Rum Trumps Memories

I'm listening to Ronnie Spector (most ridiculous sex fantasy ever, by the way) and realizing that (no shit) alcohol is so fucking stupid. No, seriously, alcohol has been this HUGE factor in my life. Most every good and bad thing that has ever happened to me has been a result of drinking. Oh, by the way... I'm drinking. Full disclosure.

But look... music doesn't taste as good sober. It just doesn't. If you are disagreeing, you either listen to a boatload of Christian rock, or an assload of contemporary country. Listen... to the latter group, Hank the Senior WANTS you to drink. Copiously. So get over yourself and go and buy a bottle. Trust me, you want no part of any Heaven that doesn't involve Hank Sr. Or Johnny Thunders. Drink up. But try really hard to stay away from the opiates.

I guess my point is this: it is just after three in the A.M., and I'm directionless. Alcohol doesn't help me anymore. No songs, no poems, no prose.

Wait... this is prose (sort of), right?

Lemme think about all of this.


Friday, October 16, 2009


I watch a lot of television. Too much.

And I've seen a few good shows this season. A few bad ones (rest in peace TBL). Only dropped a couple of far.

Oh, yeah, and a network.

I have completely dropped NBC from my nightly viewing pleasure. Sunday through Saturday. 8 'til 11. Night after blissful night. No Heroes (lasted a season too long, I says). No Trauma (thanks peacock, I've already seen Third Watch, thank you very much). Biggest Loser? (I'm going through them all, folks) Never seen it, but I thinks it follows the basic Farley principal. No Mercy (okay, that's a lie. Exception to the rule. I've said bigger lies. Like 10 seconds ago when I said I'd seen Third Watch. Plus I only watch Mercy 'cause I'm convinced it's a Gossip Girl spin off that only I'm aware of.) No L & O: SVU (look, Ma! I learned that newfangled text speak!).

And then there is Thursday.

Am I the only who thinks they've seen every joke Community's got? Three episodes in, and just don't find it entertaining. Kind of like the Office, but that joke did last a couple seasons, at least. Yeah, I skipped Parks And Recreation, but don't we all? 30 Rocks on the DVR, we'll see about that after the World Series.

So the once mighty Must See TV lineup is down to one 22 minute show that I might watch after the World Series? Good Job, Mr. Feathers.

(My crack research team whispers in my ear.)

"What about, Fridays, Uncle Ran? What about Leno?"

Fuck Fridays and fuck Leno, children. So Say We All.

Fridays and Leno have only succeeded in cancelling the only promising show NBC had this season. Thanks to having no outlet for edgy dramas (10 pm is now funny time, boys and girls) NBC dropped Southland before it even began. The same network that gave us Hill Street Blues and L.A. Law now thinks warmed over political jokes and comedy softer than the Biggest Losers mid section is what makes for a great 10 pm time slot.

Now my crack research team (and when I say "Crack Research Team" I do, of course, mean Brother Van on the telephone reading me news stories off blogs) has uncovered that TNT may be interested in picking up Southland. But you know that means casting Andi Mcdowell as a no nonsense cop with a heart of gold. Who talks to dead people. And robs banks. (I think that covers all TNT's original programming.)

Fuck That Peacock.

Next week, tune in for how much I hate ABC. Love you, goodbye.